In Review

Saturday, 26 September 2009

Sharp, constellation of sensation at the lower tip of the left scapula.  Focused frequently on that sensation to try stilling a very loud mind, not entirely successful.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Used strong ujayi breath with opening or closing the eyes to drop out of thought.  Holding each posture until the mind was quiet.  Six rounds of Surya Namaskar and then directly into Yoga Mudra over 60 minutes, ended with a Fix Your Own Back sequence and shavasana.  Not as intense as the 14^th but similar.  Do I have the determination to push myself like that?  There was magic in that practice, body and mind did more than I would have thought possible but it was because I was aksed to do them.  Is it possible for me to want to do them?

Press the inner thighs forward causing a slight external rotation in the hips to draw the tailbone down and the pelvis forward in back bends.  Bring the gaze to the fingertips in Natarajasana.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Sadhana was full of no mind.  My determination to remain still was ruthless.  Motion in the postures became more fluid, limbs flowing from place to place.

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Feet were very alive, I could feel exactly how the weight of the body was distributed.  Feet too wide moved the pressure to the instep.  Feet under hips shifted the weight to the midline of the feet.

The morning schedule is very tight:  3:45 AM sadhana begins.  5:00 AMish shower.  5:15 AMish family prayer and out the door to work.  Digital watch with multiple alarms allows that to move smoothly.  3:40 AM, wake up alarm.  4:45 AM, 15 minutes of sadhana time left alarm.  5:00 AM, move in the direction of the shower please.  Yoga Mudra and the mind registered an absent watch on the floor or, rather, not on the floor.  Tuesday was being repeated until that moment.  Yoga Mudra released and then I quickly located the watch never to regain the stillness that had been present.  Prepare for sadhana BEFORE bed each night, be exact in placing watch/whatever exactly where it needs to be to not disrupt the stillness.

Thursday, 1 October 2009

Wild mind this morning.  Thinking my way through the posture—Natarajasana—nearly created a disaster into the couch.  Quieted the mind and fell out of a tree.

Stop counting the breath while holding.  If counting is used, hear it, feel it in the breath but do not hold onto the count.

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

Eye of the Storm

Jai Bhagwan!

Today's sadhana was at the local community center which doubles as physical education space for the local high school.  Just started the first round of surya namaskar when a loud gaggle of teenagers ran past.  Today's intention was ruthless determination in the postures.  I had Wednesday's class hold each pose longer than I normally do to help emphasize tapas.  As I watched my students holding tadasana, my body just ached to be holding the posture with them.  The result was that I experimented with intense holding within my own sadhana.  The releases were nearly uncontrollable they were so powerful.

While moving into utthita parsvakonasana I could distinctly feel my hips rotating as I extended my torso.  I immediately grabbed my hip bones and used them to rotate my pelvis forward.  The end result was a much more intense stress in the hamstrings and inner thighs.  Using this idea of manual roation of the hips resulted in much deeper forward bends/stretches which had a huge imparct on pashimottanasana.

Namasté

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

Sickly Sadhana

• 3:40 AM–Alarm sounds.  Body and mind agree that staying in bed is the answer, determination says that someone is asking the wrong question.
• Bloated belly.  Belly focus is not inward focus.
• Low back and thighs still incredibly tight from Friday.  Allowing Saturday's sadhana to slide was an unkindness.
• Despite belly bloat and violin strings for muscles, mind remains relatively quiet.
• Belly bloat approaching pain rather than discomfort.
• Very difficult to find alignment.
• Bhujangasana, correct alignment centers weight on the lower third of the pelvis.  Incredibly strong and stable foundation for this posture.

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

What Edge?

Jai Bhagwan!

When I decided to split my blogs again and dedicate this blog as my sadhana journal, I determined that I would write about every day's sadhana.  You will notice that there is no entry for Saturday nor for Sunday.  I decided to let Saturday's parctice slide, that was an unfortunate mistake which I will not repeat.  I have never practiced on Sundays oustide of my time in Florida, I'll continue that so long as it does not disturb the silence and peace of the day.  Keeping all of that in mind, here are notes from yesterday and this morning:

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

Quiescent mind.  Held each posture for three breaths, resulted in a shorter practice and was not as taxing nor as filling as other sessions.  This felt more like going through the motions rather than walking the razor's edge that requires full dedication.  Physical relief when compared to Monday's distress made the whole practice feel luxurious, the result was that the postures felt lack luster, a visit to Club Med.  Need to revisit this shorter practice in a few days to see if there is an opportunity to improve focus and maintain alignment and intensity during an “easy” practice.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Unusual instability in balance postures when standing on the left side, also a distinct lack of sensation throughout the body from beginning to end.  Held each pose for 5 breaths—about a minute—still was very dis-integrated, body sensation was either unavailable or very timid.  Mind was looking for something to focus upon, with low sensation it returned to the odd dreams of last night—Darth Vader, broom closests and banquet tables.  Even in savasana focusing inward was very awkward, mind and awareness seemed to slide about and skid across the glass smooth surface of sensation.  “How do I move past the edge when I cannot find the edge?”  Sudden awareness, “There is no edge.” In that moment, intense sensation raced out of the body.  The muscles of the low back on the left were almost cramping.  Spine and back were actually arcing to the left.  Right shoulder was trying to cover the right ear.  Ujjayi breath, even slower, breathe into the sensation.  Release, back comes into alignment as the muscles relax.  Release, shoulder slides down to the floor and is gently drawn down and back.  Awash in stillness and eternity passes.

Namasté

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

In Summary

Jai Bhagwan!

Despite the evidence here, I have been practicing daily.  I would like to say that life has been so busy that I simply did not have time to write; however, that would be a lie.  I simply allowed myself to become consumed with something trivial and mind numbing which I allowed to hold all of my attention and to eat up all of my time.  At the same time, a number of the things that I have been experiencing during my sadhana are best kept close to the breast at this time.  With that in mind, here is a brief summary of what I have been experiencing and some further notes on alignment:

Namasté

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

Shake, Rattle and Roll

Jai Bhagwan!

The muscular tremors are becoming more isolated but also much more dramatic, sort of.  Muscular tremors have been commonplace in practice for a long while now but about a week ago, they became a focus of daily practice.  Previously, unless a tremor started while holding a pose, the response was simply to move through it.  Now, any time a tremor starts all other movement stops.  Stopping to allow this experience of muscle tremors to be explored has caused the frequency of tremors to go down but the intensity has increased, sort of.  I say “sort of” because I visually watched for signs of muscles trembling during one of the more powerful tremors this morning and there was no definite visible trembling either of muscle nor of clothing.  Allowing the mind to sink into the sensation creates an ecstatic eruption of euphoria as wave after wave of vitality rushes up the body and then, without effort or decision, the tremors subside and the body continues moving to a neutral—usually standing—position.  If, rather than diving into the sensation, I observe the impact of the tremors on the body then there is no euphoria and the movment of energy is more subtle, a gentle upwelling into the torso.  Which is the right path to take, dive into sensation or observe?  Wrong question as neither is “right”; rather, the question is which approach will further the intention for this practice?  The answer to that question will likely change day to day.

So, what are these tremors all about?  To be honest, I don't know.  Having said that, they have become a fascinating part of daily practice.

Namasté

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

Hollow Man

Jai Bhagwan!

Very unusual experience this morning.  Coming into the second half of the pose there was nothing.  There was no mind, no energy, no pain, only breath echoing hollowly through vast emptiness.  There was heat, but it was outside.  There was, at times, Prana but it seemed dormant, waiting for . . . what?  This was an entirely new experience, finding hollowness was somewhat disquieting but that passed and stillness returned.  It will be interesting to see what happens tomorrow morning.

Namasté

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.

Falling In Love

Jai Bhagwan!

Do you love the skin you're in?  I hope you answer yes to that question.  My last few practices have revolved around this, around loving this body of mine; not because it's healthy and looks good in t-shirt (does it?) but simply because I love it.  Don't practice because you want to change this, that or the other.  Practice because you are in love, because you love that body of yours, that mind, that spirit, that you that is you.  Change will come but it will be a side effect of increased love, peace and stillness for yourself and others.  Yes, your practice will create so much love and peace and stillness within you that it will spill out all around you onto everyone and everything around you.  It's messy but enjoy it.

Notes

Follow-up Notes

As I mentioned Tuesday, I frequently experienced tremors when moving from one pose to another.  That has dropped off completely.  I still have tremblers now and then but these are simple muscle weakness and not the same as described last week.

I also metioned the “Hollow Man” experience.  This has also not repeated but there has definitely been something very different happening since then.  The only compasrison that I can make is that when the hollowness showed up, it was because I was empty.  Thursday night during my sadhana at the community center, every pose was incredible.  I am incredulous even as I write that and yet, that was the experience.  Two moments stand out in my memory and in my notes:  Standing Yoga Mudra, usually the arms are perpendicular to the floor and eyes are about knee level but this night the shoulders suddenly opened dropping the arms much further and the hips released bringing the eyes to mid-shin.  Being this “deep” in the posture was not, however, what was most notable.  As the shoulders opened, the arms were drawn forward and the space left behind felt empty and full of heat.  Something similar occured in Paschimottanasana, hands barely reached ankles and that was sufficient.  Breathing was only in the abdomen and low back.  Extension from navel through sternum pulled the low back into the body and the sit bones shifted backward dramatically.  Gentle pressure on the mid-thoracic spine moved the torso forward, face approaches shins, heals of palms even with bottoms of feet.  Open space in front of sit bones, heat running from heels up through the legs, over the sacrum and up the spine.  No tension in the legs or in the back.

In both cases, I moved as deeply into the posture as I could and then breathed and held.  The body then opened/released and was moved deeper into the postures.  Another noteworthy aspect is that coming out of those poses, breathing felt like drinking air.  That sensation of drinking rather than inhaling very thick air continues.  The massage therapist noted—he came Friday morning—that my body was soaking up every bit of energy he was putting into it.

Namasté

This is my sadhana journal/blog.  Visit my blog at Yoga At Om for my thoughts and views on Yoga both on and off the mat.