It looks like this is going to be a very busy summer.  Right now, I'm fencing the backyard.  The garden still needs to be planted.  I need to build another fence to keep the dogs out of the garden.  I need to finish painting the eaves and put up the gutters.  Next month, we also have a week-long camping trip and a pioneer trek scheduled.  In July, my oldest son has scout camp and, of course, we have the Fourth of July and the 24th of July.  Let's not forget that I have meetings on most Tuesday nights, Wednesday nights, and I have game night on Thursdays.  Ahhhh, now that feels more like the old whinery that I remember!

Well, I think that's enough for one day.  At least for now.

Three quick stories to relate, both events happened at CSI.  I have changed some of the details (names and such) to avoid putting any one individual on the spot.  The first two are related in that they both happened while working on one project and, quite literally, within minutes of each other.  The third was much more recent.  All three demonstrate . . . well, I'll let you decide what they demonstrate.  Comments have been disabled for this entry as I have no desire to deal any more with any of the three situations, I simply need to put this on paper as it were.

I had been called out to deal with a network outage in one office.  On investigating the situation, I discovered that the network cable had been severed and by severed, I mean that someone had pulled on the thing hard enough to actually tear it in two pieces.  Doing that to a cat5 network cable is actually quite impressive and just about the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.  As I tracked down where the break was, I found a fishing tape that had been cut off in the conduit.  I retrieved the cut fishing tape—you can often unstick fishing tape by shoving it back into the conduit about three inches and rotating it 180 degrees—and found the break in the line.  Someone had been pulling more cable into the conduit, snagged the network cable, broke it and then cut off the end of the fishing tape to cover their tracks.  Sheldon and Harold, both of whom worked in the office where the cable was torn, informed me that they were to blame collectively but that it was clearly the other fellow's fault.  I was ready to kill, figuratively speaking, both of them, said I should leave before I said something I would regret and headed back to my office.  At different times later that day, each approached me to say that they didn't blame me for being so angry with the other one, all the while remaining clueless that I was equally angry at both of them.

About 20 minutes after I had left the two fellows mentioned above, I returned to the building to pull in a repalcement cable.  While doing this, Grant approached me while I was working in the ceiling.  He told me that working through my lunch could get me hurt if we were a union shop.  I wouldn't have thought twice about it except that some of Grant's loyal customers had started coming to me for computer work, Grant was trying hard to unionize the plant and the way he gave the ladder a little shake to get my attention just didn't come across as friendly.  I continued pulling cable and said That sounds like a threat, Grant.  Besides, just because you eat at noon doesn't mean I do.  When I looked back down, he had left.  I don't think he said anything more to me over the next six years.

I was recently accused of passing the buck rather loudly by another employee.  That accusation, however, is not the crux of the story.  First, a little background:  Victor has done a bit of department hoping over the years but when I started here, Vic was director of plant communications.  It didn't matter if it was building to building or remote site communications, Vic was the man to see and he could fix such issues in a snap.  In the course of his department hoping, someone else was hired to dealing with plant communications but proved so inept that the building to building communication side was shifted into my department.  The remote site communications stayed where they were originally because dealing with those problems simply meant making a phone call to our contractor.  Eventually, Vic returned to his former position as director of communications but the responsibilites for communications didn't shift, building to building is still in my department and remote is still in Vic's.  I got a phone call the other day from one of the mechanics saying he couldn't contact remote site 3.  I was fairly sure that I was the wrong person to be calling but started to track down what needed to be done.  As soon as Victor saw me, he relayed the same information:  Remote communications were down.  At the request of my supervisor, I returned to my office to see what I could find on Relco, our remote site contractor.

I called Victor and asked him if Relco was still our remote site contractor.  When he answered yes, I said my department hadn't ever had any interaction with Relco and wasn't that his area?  You see, the last time we—my coworker actually—tried to make arrangements that fell within Victor's purview, he accused us of trying to take over his job.  Besides, I knew that Vic had always handled these situations without even breaking a sweat.  Imagine my surprise when his response was an accusation that I was just passing the buck and that he, Vic, couldn't possibly deal with the issue for another two hours at the earliest—is it passing the buck when A) it isn't my job and B) the person I'm calling is actually the one responsible?  Without waiting for me to say anything, Vic hung up on me.  I called him back, explained I was not trying to pass the buck and found out where I could find the information to deal with the problem myself.  While I was upstairs gathering the information, I could hear Vic loudly berating me to someone else.  The desire to light into Vic was unreal but I kept my calm, as best I could, and headed back down to my office.  I spent about four minutes on the phone with three very helpful individuals and 20 minutes later communications had been restored.  While I waited for the communications to come back online, my supervisor came to look in on me.  He was surprised to learn that the problem was already solved except for the waiting.  I explained the situation with Vic and then we decided to see what was keeping Vic so busy:  As I had suspected, he was commenting on a blog or web forum and reading another forum.  If you're going to tell someone that you are too busy to do something, make sure that they have no way of taking a screen shot for verification.  The upshot of this?  If Vic had just said, Tyran, I'm swamped right now.  Could you call Relco for me? I would have said yes in a heart beat.

Like many in and out of the church, I wanted more than just this feeling that this was right.  I wanted to know, with a perfect knowledge, that what I believed was right and true.  I wanted to know as an absolute fact that there was life after death and that the prophets truly speak with God.  Due to the many experiences I have had, the things I have both heard and seen for myself, I must acknowledge that rather than believing these thing to be true, I know them to be true.  I know with a surety that a fourteen year old boy named Joseph Smith did see God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ.  I know that this same Joseph Smith was the Prophet of the Restoration and that the authority of God has again been given to men on the earth and that there is yet a living prophet on this earth directing the work of the Lord.  I know that God is my Father and that His Son, Jesus Christ, is my Savior and that the Holy Ghost bears witness of both of them.  I know that Christ lives, that He is the Redeemer of all mankind, the Savior of the world!

Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.

John 20:29

Not too long ago, I was contemplating this verse.  Clearly, the Lord indicated that there was some lack in Thomas' faith as he could not believe until after he had seen the Resurrected Lord.  Yet, obviously, Thomas' faith was great enough that he did see and touch the Lord.  Thomas could not believe that Christ had risen but I am sure he did believe, that he knew even, that if this wondrous thing had happened that the Lord would reveal himself and eight days after the resurrection, the Lord did again appear to the ancient apostles, Thomas included.  Surely knowing, as Thomas knew, with an absolute knowledge that Jesus is the Christ is greater than any other witness?  It would seem so, wouldn't it and yet that is not the case.  These moments of knowing, of seeing, of hearing that provide undeniable proof cannot carry one through life's trials.  We have tragic proof of this in the lives of Laman and Lemuel, they both had incontrovertible proof:  They had seen angels, they had felt the power of God shake them and they had even heard the voice of the Lord and yet even with these absolute proofs both men turned from God and went their own way.  Why?  Because no matter how marvelous, how powerful an experience may be, once that experience is ended it remains only a memory and memory fades.  What does not fade, however, is that gentle feeling—which fills me even as I write this—in ones heart that these things are true.  This is that same feeling I mentioned earlier, the self-same feeling that has accompanied me since I was just a young boy in Primary.  How would the years from then until now be different had I realized the true power and meaning of that feeling?

I know that some of you reading these words feel, at this very moment, a feeling that you would be hard pressed to describe.  It is perhaps a warm feeling or an upwelling of joy and happiness or even a longing or ache for these words to be true.  These feelings are the witness of the Holy Ghost that what you have read is true.  Do not let these feelings die upon your breast but, rather, learn more about them.  Invite missionaries to your home.

Seeing is not believing, feeling is.

You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness.  But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy.  It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing.  Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick.

The Screwtape Letters
by C.S. Lewis

Truly [t]here hath no temptation taken [me] but such as is common to man but this is no excuse for God is faithful, who will not suffer [me] to be tempted above that [I am] able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that [I] may be able to bear it. (1 Cor 10:13)  What excuse do I have?  None and I do not seek to excuse myself but rather I seek to do my best to undo the harm, however great or small, that even these trivial sins might have caused.

In that vein, I acknowledge that I am no perfect man.  Not the least of my faults, I do not say that I am sorry enough and when I do, I do not take immediate enough action to remedy the situation.  For that I am most sorry and I am taking action, immediate action, to correct that.

Why this focus on my failings?  It is not depression, no it is anything but that for as I write this my heart soars and swells to bursting.  I have glimpsed, just for a moment, the suffering and agony that was required to expiate my sin.  I have felt, if only for a moment, a small portion of the suffering of those around me and tremble beneath the burden.  Seeing and feeling these things and knowing that they are but the tiniest fraction of the price that was exacted of Christ to perform that grand act of mercy, how can I not do all in my power to both make His Atonement of effect in my life and to avoid placing further burdens upon Him?  These same feelings brought me to my knees this morning.  I prayed and was instructed that writing this entry, publicly acknowledging my failings and sharing my personal knowledge of the Savior, would carry me forward and might well lift the hearts of others.

I hope that each of you that read this entry know that Jesus is the Christ, the promised Messiah; that He knows you personally and that He loves you dearly.  If you do not know that, I hope you believe it or at least want to believe it.  I do know it.  So many say, I would believe if I could just see it but they fail to understand that seeing is but for a moment and all one is left with is a memory.  The true strength of a witness, a testimony, of Christ is the feeling.  Why this rush of love, of gratitude and deep humility when I think about this man, Jesus?  Is it because of some grand vision?  No, it is because those feelings of comfort are a revelation from the Spirit that Christ has paid for my sins, that He will always lift me up if I simply reach out to Him.  Memories fade with time but this feeling within my breast does not dim, does not fade with the vagaries of time.  The experiences I've had, the things I've heard and seen over my life, seem to open new depths of my soul but then they fade and leave a void in their place but afterward these feelings of love and comfort pour in and fill them until I feel that my whole being will burst.  It is a great comfort to know that even if time steals my memories, that this torch of testimony will always burn fiercly in my heart.

With the start of a, hopefully, regular Yoga class, I will be and have been making regular entries in my Everyday Yoga blog.  Yes, it does deal with Yoga but that's why I named it Everyday Yoga!  You can take a look at Everyday Yoga by clicking the EDY logo at the top right of this page.  Don't, however, give up on the Whinery entirely.  I will try to make some kind of entry weekly or so.  Now, go ahead and click that EDY logo, you know you want to do it!  Maybe scrolling clear to the top is too much effort?  Never fear!  Just click the little OM graphic that starts this paragraph and you'll be on your way!

Of course, not all suffering is the result of sin.  Often times the troubles of the world simply come with the territory.  Illness can spread through a simple hand shake.  Unwise business decisions often precede financial troubles but even the wisest decsions can be unfruitful as the economy fluctuates.  Just as the sun shines equally upon the righteous and the wicked, so too do natural disasters strike without regard to one's personal worthiness.  Let us not forget that the most terrible destroyer of lives, both among the innocent and the not so innocent, has always been our fellow man.  Why doesn't God stop these seemingly meaningless forms of suffering?  Will a child ever learn to walk if he is, from the day he is born until the day he dies, always carried about from place to place?  Would such a man ever be a fit father himself?

Discussing the reasons why suffering exists is not the point of this entry.  Suffice it to say that for this reason or that, there is great suffering around us on every hand.  How are we to know who deserves their suffering as a consequence of sin and who is merely an innocent victim of circumstance and so worthy of our help?  What a terribly foolish question!  All who need our help are worthy of it!  The Lord did not say Love thy good neighbor as thyself, indeed He did not!  He commanded that we love all!  As I see the many burdens that my own neighbors carry, my soul is laden with a terrible weight so heavy that I feel it must crush me to the ground; yet, I am only seeing the burdens, I am not actually carrying them myself.  My heart breaks knowing, even just in some small part, the heavy loads carried by so many.  My mind staggers trying to comprehend the magnitude of the Atonement.  Christ saw not just the small glimpse of those burdens that I have seen, He has seen them, every whit.  More than this, He has actually suffered those burdens Himself, all of them.  Even more, He has borne the pain and suffering of all of the burndens of mankind throughout all the ages.  Even just the glimpse I have seen threatens to crush me by its weight and to drown me in sorrow.  The Savior has born this and so much more, I can only marvel as I watch Him tremble beneath such a terrible load, the weight crushing Him—the Son of God—to the very earth.

He is not here to walk among us, healing the sick, lifting the down trodden, feeding the hungry, giving love and comfort to the needy.  He has called upon each of us to reach out to our neighbors, to lift their spirits, to heal their wounded hearts, to ease their sufferings.  Such a simple thing as taking a loaf of bread to a neighbor or being kind to a stranger on the bus.  How much more joy, how much less suffering there will be as we each take just a moment of our time to ease another's load!