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The simple reality is that as much as I want to write something here, it simply does not and likely will not happen. Also, I have much less whining to do. When i do have something worth writing in this space, I will continue to write here but unless something changes in my daily life, I simply do not foresee me having the time to write here regularly. If, for some insane reason, you do feel the need to get your daily dose of wisdom from me . . . RUN, find a reputable psychoanalyst and get help!
With the start of a, hopefully, regular Yoga class, I will be and have been making regular entries in my Everyday Yoga blog. Yes, it does deal with Yoga but that's why I named it Everyday Yoga! You can take a look at Everyday Yoga by clicking the EDY logo at the top right of this page. Don't, however, give up on the Whinery entirely. I will try to make some kind of entry weekly or so. Now, go ahead and click that EDY logo, you know you want to do it! Maybe scrolling clear to the top is too much effort? Never fear! Just click the little OM
graphic that starts this paragraph and you'll be on your way!
I regret that I have not always done the things I should have done and I regret that I have done things that I should not have done. Oh, I am not guilty of any great evil, a white lie here or there, a promise or two broken or procrastinated, an occasional questionable joke but even then nothing of such magnitude that would make anyone do more that shake their head and say, Tsk, why are you worrying over such a little thing?
Why? Because I know better and does it truly matter whether the sin is small or great? Consider the words of the devil, Screwtape, to his nephew Wormwood:
You will say that these are very small sins; and doubtless, like all young tempters, you are anxious to be able to report spectacular wickedness. But do remember, the only thing that matters is the extent to which you separate the man from the Enemy. It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing. Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick.
The Screwtape Letters
by C.S. Lewis
Truly [t]here hath no temptation taken [me] but such as is common to man
but this is no excuse for God is faithful, who will not suffer [me] to be tempted above that [I am] able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that [I] may be able to bear it.
(1 Cor 10:13) What excuse do I have? None and I do not seek to excuse myself but rather I seek to do my best to undo the harm, however great or small, that even these trivial
sins might have caused.
In that vein, I acknowledge that I am no perfect man. Not the least of my faults, I do not say that I am sorry enough and when I do, I do not take immediate enough action to remedy the situation. For that I am most sorry and I am taking action, immediate action, to correct that.
Why this focus on my failings? It is not depression, no it is anything but that for as I write this my heart soars and swells to bursting. I have glimpsed, just for a moment, the suffering and agony that was required to expiate my sin. I have felt, if only for a moment, a small portion of the suffering of those around me and tremble beneath the burden. Seeing and feeling these things and knowing that they are but the tiniest fraction of the price that was exacted of Christ to perform that grand act of mercy, how can I not do all in my power to both make His Atonement of effect in my life and to avoid placing further burdens upon Him? These same feelings brought me to my knees this morning. I prayed and was instructed that writing this entry, publicly acknowledging my failings and sharing my personal knowledge of the Savior, would carry me forward and might well lift the hearts of others.
I hope that each of you that read this entry know that Jesus is the Christ, the promised Messiah; that He knows you personally and that He loves you dearly. If you do not know that, I hope you believe it or at least want to believe it. I do know it. So many say, I would believe if I could just see it
but they fail to understand that seeing is but for a moment and all one is left with is a memory. The true strength of a witness, a testimony, of Christ is the feeling. Why this rush of love, of gratitude and deep humility when I think about this man, Jesus? Is it because of some grand vision? No, it is because those feelings of comfort are a revelation from the Spirit that Christ has paid for my sins, that He will always lift me up if I simply reach out to Him. Memories fade with time but this feeling within my breast does not dim, does not fade with the vagaries of time. The experiences I've had, the things I've heard and seen over my life, seem to open new depths of my soul but then they fade and leave a void in their place but afterward these feelings of love and comfort pour in and fill them until I feel that my whole being will burst. It is a great comfort to know that even if time steals my memories, that this torch of testimony will always burn fiercly in my heart.
I grew up believing in a number of things. I believed that Joseph Smith saw God the Father and Jesus Christ as a fourteen year old boy and that using Joseph as their prophet, they restored the truth of the gospel to the earth. I believed that God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost were three distinct individuals. I believed that the authority given to Joseph Smith, the priesthood of God, continued to be enjoyed by the church and that living prophets continued to lead the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I believed these things first because I had been taught them as a child and then because they felt right to me.
Like many in and out of the church, I wanted more than just this feeling that this was right. I wanted to know, with a perfect knowledge, that what I believed was right and true. I wanted to know as an absolute fact that there was life after death and that the prophets truly speak with God. Due to the many experiences I have had, the things I have both heard and seen for myself, I must acknowledge that rather than believing these thing to be true, I know them to be true. I know with a surety that a fourteen year old boy named Joseph Smith did see God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I know that this same Joseph Smith was the Prophet of the Restoration and that the authority of God has again been given to men on the earth and that there is yet a living prophet on this earth directing the work of the Lord. I know that God is my Father and that His Son, Jesus Christ, is my Savior and that the Holy Ghost bears witness of both of them. I know that Christ lives, that He is the Redeemer of all mankind, the Savior of the world!
Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed.
Not too long ago, I was contemplating this verse. Clearly, the Lord indicated that there was some lack in Thomas' faith as he could not believe until after he had seen the Resurrected Lord. Yet, obviously, Thomas' faith was great enough that he did see and touch the Lord. Thomas could not believe that Christ had risen but I am sure he did believe, that he knew even, that if this wondrous thing had happened that the Lord would reveal himself and eight days after the resurrection, the Lord did again appear to the ancient apostles, Thomas included. Surely knowing, as Thomas knew, with an absolute knowledge that Jesus is the Christ is greater than any other witness? It would seem so, wouldn't it and yet that is not the case. These moments of knowing, of seeing, of hearing that provide undeniable proof cannot carry one through life's trials. We have tragic proof of this in the lives of Laman and Lemuel, they both had incontrovertible proof: They had seen angels, they had felt the power of God shake them and they had even heard the voice of the Lord and yet even with these absolute proofs both men turned from God and went their own way. Why? Because no matter how marvelous, how powerful an experience may be, once that experience is ended it remains only a memory and memory fades. What does not fade, however, is that gentle feeling—which fills me even as I write this—in ones heart that these things are true. This is that same feeling I mentioned earlier, the self-same feeling that has accompanied me since I was just a young boy in Primary. How would the years from then until now be different had I realized the true power and meaning of that feeling?
I know that some of you reading these words feel, at this very moment, a feeling that you would be hard pressed to describe. It is perhaps a warm feeling or an upwelling of joy and happiness or even a longing or ache for these words to be true. These feelings are the witness of the Holy Ghost that what you have read is true. Do not let these feelings die upon your breast but, rather, learn more about them. Invite missionaries to your home.
Seeing is not believing, feeling is.
